your air-guitar skills are fucking sick

when i was in college and momentarily in charge of the gay group there, i always dj'd the parties we threw. our only other options were hiring some local dj or letting a guy named charles spin. he was good-looking, in a goth sort of way, but he was into "trance music" (i still don't really know what that means. if i'd taken more ecstasy i might have a better idea). right after college, he took a job in san francisco that started at a hundred grand and got married to some girl. the local dj in greencastle, indiana, population 10k, would no doubt have played a lot of journey, styx, baby got back, and the chicken dance. so, i ended up dj-ing. those were some of the best times i had in college: going to some small, queer, school-sponsored dance in a funny outfit, my big book of cd's in tow. i played enough trash pop to keep people happy and enough nine inch nails and punk to make them more than a little confused.

i ran across a website today that gives away the following secrets of amateur dj-ing:

"Guess what DJing is? The biggest fucking bullshit con of all time! People who get over as DJs are making the easiest money ever, because they've convinced every PR person and club owner in the world that they're doing something only a few natural-born geniuses can do. It's laughable. A 70-year-old blind Ethiopian leper with 10 broken fingers can "spin" just as well as any B-list celebrity at any instore party for some gay snowboarding jeans company. I promise."

"COMPLIMENTS: One of the best things about DJing is when you play a really kickass song and people come up to you dancing, going "I love this song!" You get all proud and pretend you wrote it. You're like, "Thanks!" Yeah, I downloaded "Youth Gone Wild," I rule. It's like being told your air-guitar skills are fucking SICK."

find more tricks of the trade here.