breathe in. good. now breathe out.

in the study i work on, we send cabs to peoples' homes to pick them up for their clinic visits. the cab is free for them, as are the medications we give them and their doctor visits. sounds like a fairly sweet deal, right? i mean, compared to the studies that terry has subjected himself to (like a pain study where he allowed pepper spray to be put on his hand then have his body monitored for its reaction to pain. WHAT!? or the study where he had to like eat nothing then run 9892 miles to test the efficacy of a sports drink) this is like a walk in the park. you come, blow in a tube, see a doctor, get some free medication and lunch, then you get sent a check for $90. no pepper spray or marathon running involved.

there seems to be some sort of disconnect between my line of thinking, though, and the study participants'. i say this because out of the last 8 screening visits we've scheduled, 7 haven't shown up. i mean, i talk to them the day before. "oh, yes, mr. robert, we're planning on coming tomorrow," they all say. eighteen hours later, though, it's a different story. they've had to go to the market or their grandmother's not home from work yet or their child can't be located or...or...or...there's just a myriad of reasons they can't come. i deal with it better, though, when the family bothers calling to tell me they're not coming. lately they've just not been getting in the cab we pay to have sent to their house and then not answering their phone.

gah!

i think that maybe i should try being on the schedule some of our study's families are on: i have to be at work at 8:30? eh, i think i'll roll in around 10. i mean, i was hungry; had to go to the market to get a sandwich. when's my next clinic visit? 1? you know, i really don't feel like doing it. it's raining.

last night michael told me that he's going to work on helping me learn to calm myself down. it has something to do with deep breathing. i think i'll try that now.