turkey daze

after a whirlwind trip to connecticut, i'm back home, safe and sound. i had the pleasure of sitting on a four-and-a-half-hour train (that was running 30 minutes late) next to a man who committed two horrendous train-rider crimes against humanity. i present to the tribunal:

1. bringing BAGS of revolting-smelling hot deli items, all in separate plastic containers, onto the train and then eating them with his mouth open. as if it weren't bad enough that i had to smell his food, i also had to hear it. it wasn't a gentle every-few-bite smacking, either. oh no. it was full-on open-mouthed chomping.
2. talking on his cellphone headset at maximum volume for 2 hours. he wasn't content to just quietly, shortly check up on people. i had to hear about his uncle (who apparently is suffering from dementia) and his whole goddamned thanksgiving visit. i actually had visions of myself ripping the headset out of his ear and kicking his bags of food leftovers into the aisle. if i were a drag queen, i would've done just that.

horrible train companions aside, it was a wonderful trip. i slept 9 hours every single night i was at amanda's and met her boyfriend, who's both goofy and totally smitten with her. and is hinting at the big M. i swear to god, if amanda gets married before me the earth will open up and satan himself will reach his his hairy red arm through the crack and drag me down into hell. seeing as she's in a committed relationship and i'm decidedly single i better watch out for cracks in the pavement.

in other news, i bought my first christmas tree at target yesterday. it's not any 2-foot-tall pre-assembled, pre-lit job, either. it's a 6-foot fake tree. it cost me 17 dollars, which in my current situation is a fairly major investment. i bought big, multi-colored lights for it (the hipper of my friends detest multicolored lights. so tacky, they say. i grew up with 'em and that's what i'm a-buyin'!) and sparkly ribbon. i put scented pinecones and twelve ornaments on it, because that's how many came in the pack that was on sale at michael's. i wasn't raised in a barn, so i know that any good fake tree needs a christmas tree skirt. i put my sort-of christmas-colored afghan around the bottom of the tree, put out the absurdly-expensive embroidered christmas throw pillows my mom gave me, and poof: my apartment is beginning to look a lot like christmas. see for yourself.