you think you know, but you have no idea.

it's a rare day that i put a forward on there. then again, it's a rare day that a forward made me laugh as much as this one did. in front of my boss. of course. thanks, tom.

Britney Spears to her diary:

Dear Diary,

I am like soooo pissed! I know you don't read the
paper, because you don't have eyes, but some crazy
popper-rotsee (sp?) took a picture of me, driving in
my car, minding my own business, with my baby
TASTEFULLY sitting on my lap as I sped away down the
Specific Coast Highway. Now the press is having a
feel day with it! They are calling me the worst
mother since my own. I don't think they realize how
difficult it is to be a mother, trying to lose all
that weight.

Whew! Sorry to unload on you like this, but I want
at least one person (you are like a best friend!) to
know the truth.

I had just come out of the Malibu Starbucks with my
non-fat Caramel Mocha Ding Dong (I get that
everyday, yum!) and then I see all these camera guys
crowded around my trunk, so I am thinking, oh my
God, they are going to break into my trunk and take
my baby out. So I did what any good, worried mother
would do. I hid in the bathroom and smoked. Then it
hit me. I needed to get my baby out of arm's way! So
I put on my makeup, ran out of there and grabbed my
baby.

Then I got in my car and screamed at the
pauper-rachtsee (that is Mexican for photography,
BTW). I pealed out of there! My bodyguard, the one I
just hired, was in the passenger's seat doing
nothing the whole time. So I told him to grab the
wheel as I tried to hold my steaming hot coffee at
least a foot above my baby's head while I hid my
cigarettes. (I'm trying to quit, so I try to hide
them from myself! CLEVER.)

Now everyone is mad at me, and I am the top story,
even above the death of Loretta Scott Key, the
singer of our national anthem.

I can't believe that I am public enemy No. 1 when
there are not only killers out there, but murderers
too as well. Really, is it so wrong to drive with a
baby in your lap, windows down, along a road bound
by a ravine that descends 200 feet into the ocean,
in a car chase? It's not like I was about to crash.
And besides, aren't babies' bones made of rubber
anyway? I'm just saying.

BTW, Kevin and I got divorced again last night.

Britney