sugar dandy

i think beyonce really said it best when she spoke these now-legendary words: "will you pay my bills? will you pay my telephone bills? will you pay my automo-bills?"

seriously, though, i need a sugar daddy. preferably that sugar daddy would be no older than 35, extremely hot, would like going to indie rock shows, and would drive me around in his BMW when we weren't having extremely good sex. ok, so i haven't described a sugar daddy so much as i've described the perfect boyfriend. sugar daddies are sugar daddies because they feel like they have to use their money to land themselves a young buck.

then again, assuming that i'm one of the young bucks sugar daddies are after is practically laughable. i imagine that these older men (think the QAF storyline where emmett dates the 75-year old. that's what i'm talking about here.) are after cute, twinky things. i never was a twink. i somehow went from being a child to being a hairy, grown man. i skipped the whole bel ami stage. come on, people. i'm 1/4 lithuanian. couldn't i have had at least a few years where i was cutely muscular and hairless? no. when puberty hit, it hit hard. it's not that i wanna be twinkish, especially not at 25 years old. 25 year olds without a hair on their body weird me out. no offense, george.

so, bills. god, bills. now that terry's moved and we're no longer splitting the utilities it's really smacked me in the face how much more expensive it is to live alone. seriously. rent uses practically a whole paycheck, leaving me about $95 for two weeks, then in the middle of the month my bills take up all but $50 of the next one. it's not like i'm living beyond my means here, either. sure, i could get rid of dsl and cable, but i live alone. i'm not emily dickinson and this is not the 1800's. i can't just sit by myself in my tiny room and -shudder- read a book. or, even worse, write poetry. every day i eat dinner with rachael ray. she'd miss me.

so, young, hot, rich men who are desperate to pay my automo-bills, listen up. i'm available.