unleash the beast

i used to wax my chest. those of you who don't know me will say "oh, robert. what does that matter? a lot of people wax their chest hair!" but you don't understand. i have, basically, the chest hair of a 40 year old man and have since i was 17 years old. to wax my chest was an incredible undertaking that took upwards of 45 minutes. the worst time, the woman doing the waxing kept saying "oof, i'm glad this is you and not me. this must be painful!" i wanted to scream "YES, it's painful. now shut the fuck UP and rip the hair out of me!" instead i grimaced and smiled and nodded. it was me at the end of my body-hair rope: i'd tried shaving, nair-ing, sugaring. every time it came back fast, irritated, thicker. my body just would not accept that i needed to be smooth, like all the men with their shirts off in the clubs in dc, the men in the magazines. or like the man i was dating, a man as naturally muscular and smooth as a fucking marble statue, a man i felt like i was chasing the whole time we dated.

even though i trim my chest hair now (i thank god haven't [yet] grown enough back hair that it's a big problem. but the time, my dear readers, will come.), i haven't had the urge to shave it off in a few years. i keep it trimmed because, let's face it, nobody really wants to look like magnum PI anymore.

a great thing about living in new york, though, is that there are legions of men here who love guys with hairy chests. love. like, um, it's one of their biggest turn-ons. most guys on everyone's favorite, um, internet "dating" site say things like "your hairy chest is so fucking hot." only one has said something to me about only "being into smooth dudes." yes, he said dudes. and i wanted to say back to him, "so you'll be too busy trolling the playground to meet up for coffee? that's ok."

for the first time in my life, though, i have a better body image, a better attitude about my chest hair and how i look. i suppose it's because of the sheer number of men in new york, the fact that if someone doesn't like you there are plenty more who will. as i said to scott at christopher street pier on sunday (which i didn't blog about, but trust me, it's insane. imagine more muscles than an issue of inches and speedos and homos all oiling each other up. fun.), "if you don't like chest hair we ain't gon' fuck." yeeeeeah new york.