the long ride

i feel like i should write something about it being the 5th anniversary of what the newsmedia immediately named "9/11." it's 9/11 in new york and i think that it's weighing on everyone's minds more than they're outwardly willing to admit.

don't tell anyone this, but i was secretly afraid that another attack would happen this morning. i got out of bed right when my alarm went off so that i could be ensconced at mt. sinai before 9 o'clock. i didn't want to be in the queensboro tunnel, the tunnel that a doctor here never fails to remind me "freaks him out every time he goes through it," when the fifth anniversary of the world train center falling down happened. i wanted to be at my desk, just in case.

this plan was foiled, however, when my train stopped on the tracks between my house and queensboro plaza. for thirty minutes. stopped. as we all stood there, having no idea what was going on, all of us repeatedly glancing at our watches as we became late for work, i bonded with a girl, my age but much more nicely-dressed. when we finally pulled into queensboro plaza, the crowd outside the train was four people deep. "why don't we move to the center," i told her. "i think that this is going to get really ugly."

"you're right," she said. "i just wish that they'd tell us what's going on when the train stops like that," she said, as our train once again ground to a halt in the middle of queensboro tunnel. the doctor would not have been pleased. "i mean," she went on, "we all know what day it is. just come on the loudspeaker to say that there's a train in front of us. you know, just to let us know that it's alright."

8:46 passed, and then so did 9:03. and the train started moving again and the girl and i got off at 59th street and we went up the stairs, without saying anything else to each other. and it's five years later, five years after i watched the news from my new house in greencastle and then tried to call scott because he lived here and worked close to downtown. and now i'm a new yorker who, like all of the rest, tries to pretend like this 5-year anniversary didn't make him nervous.