hollertronixation

i'm terrified.

kate and courtney have invited me to this party at sonar they're going to called "hollertronix." apparently it goes all up and down the midatlantic and their favorite dj from philly is playing. call me old-fashioned, or just old, but i don't have a favorite dj. i don't think that i could tell you a dj if i had to, except for maybe "dj ferrell" from central or the hippo or whereever he's "spinning." i think i'm going, though, just to force myself out of hiding. hilary wants to go, too, but she's also apprehensive. while i'm worried about getting gay-bashed, she's worried about being the only indie-rock girl at a hip hop party. i know that it sounds like we've needlessly pigeon-holed ourselves into a scene, and maybe we have. we should get points, i think, for attempting to take ourselves out of that comfort zone. so, tonight we're abandoning our gay bars and rock shows, and going to sonar lounge to something called "hollertronix."

i've neurotically written kate and courtney 14 emails this morning, asking questions about what i'm supposed to wear and whether or not i'll have to dance. courtney replied that not everyone will be dancing, that "there will be people not dancing b/c they're too cool." i told her that i won't be dancing not because i'm too cool, but for exactly the opposite reason. when i was 18 i could make myself pretend that i enjoyed dancing and would do my best rave-dance impression. nowadays, i get out onto the dance floor and find that my dancing starts out good, but eventually devolves into a step-touch, as my eyes wander toward the chairs on the side of the dancefloor.

the older i get, the more i appreciate sitting down with a drink in my hand. watching all those crazy kids wear themselves out on the dancefloor, i think to myself that used to be me.