the thinker

some days i'm overwhelmed by loneliness. it's cyclic and completely inexplicable. today is one of those days. i don't know what's caused it--it could be terry and i drifting further and further apart as he prepares to move to chicago. i'm trying to invent a life outside our extraordinarily-strange post-breakup relationship, but seem unable to let go of the memories of being so close to someone and feeling, for perhaps the first time, content. it could be the fact that another batch of my friends are graduating next week, all of them being spread like seeds across the country. after the last car has pulled away and the last plane has taken off, what will be left is hilary and i, standing unsteadily on the verge of a very frightening move to new york city.

it's cliched, but true, that the only thing one can count on is change. and i was so happy with the way things were.