the reluctant bridesmaid

if this doesn't deserve to be blogged, i don't know what does: courtney facing forced gender-conformity. my only question is: will she wear a wig?


"it. arrived. by it, i mean the dress. my brother is getting married in august to a an ex-division 1 cheerleader named april. for some reason (probably because she doesn't know me very well), she asked me to be in the wedding. my guess is that after she asked my sister, she thought that i would feel left out and asked me (if this is so, then she really doesn't know me very well, since i've never been a joiner. it's impossible for me to be a joiner. i'm a short, left-handed, short-legged, large-footed african-american/native-american/caucasian lesbian with a cosmetically-produced belly button. "join" is not in my vocabulary) or it could be her fascination with twins (who's fascinated with identical twins anymore. really. i figured that all the factory-made earless and eyeless septuplets stole my thunder a long time ago). i agreed, but not without asking about what the bridesmaids would be wearing. after talking to my brother a bit more, i resigned myself to the idea of wearing a dress. now, i know what you my be thinking, robert: chicks wear dresses. but not this chick. i haven't worn a dress in a long time. however, the panic didn't totally set in until i saw the damned thing. i nearly lost control of my bodily functions after going to the davids bridal website and almost had a heart attack when i had to try on the thing at the shop (which is not in the city of baltimore; yet another casualty of suburban white flight). and don't get me started on the shoes (fit for a drag queen, since i wear size 12). the dress is candy apple red and has a halter top. my muscular shoulders from years of martial arts training betray me in it. i look like a linebacker in it. and i've never worn heels, so i'm going to have to practice around the house, which mocks me to no end. not only that, but i have to stand for hours in them during a southern baptist wedding, which i imagine will be filled with homophobic jabs. sometimes i hate my life...."