ear with feet, part the third

i don't want to sound cynical. don't laugh, i'm serious. and it's not that last night's tori concert wasn't awesome, because it was. it just didn't have the same effect on me that her concerts have when i've seen her in the past, and i'm surprised. this concert had major torifying potential: i was 12th row, at a beautiful outdoor venue, a light breeze, surrounded by queers and fat girls (totally my people), arm around my boyfriend.

i found my mind wandering, though. not always. some things that she played put me right back to the quivering (ew, what a gross adjective. so gross, in fact, that i'll keep it) freshman in college that i was the first time i saw her. when she played "cooling," for instance, the song that i used to fall asleep listening to on repeat, i got chills. and when she sang, "'cause things are gonna change so fast/all the white horses/have gone ahead" i teared up. i made sure michael nor the fat girl i was sitting next to saw me, but i did. i guess that's the power of her writing--vague little lyrical snippets that you can stamp your own experience onto.

i woke up this morning, though, thinking about the concert. what seems most strange to me is that my overall reaction to the show is so cynical. i'll just say it: last night it seemed like tori had propped herself up on stage and was doing what she had to do, instead of performing because she wanted to make art. it just didn't seem like she had the same...i don't know, fiery passion that she's always had when i've seen her in the past. she seemed to be phoning in the performance, as they say.

maybe, though, it's just because i'm older, more cynical, look for different things. maybe she was always nothing more than a showperson, and i needed her to be more so i looked past it. or maybe she's settled down.

or maybe, just maybe, she's just another singer and i'm taking this whole thing too seriously.