ear with feet

since my blog has apparently become nothing more than a prime opportunity to embarrass myself, i thought that i'd share with you a little snippet of something i wrote when i was 18: a review of the first tori amos concert i ever saw, and submitted to the dent (shout out to tori amos dorks everywhere!).

December 1, 1998: As I sit here, having returned to DePauw, I can hardly relate to you my feelings. I've been looking forward to this concert for weeks, as it's my first live Tori show. We arrived about an hour early, found our seats, and were elated to see how tiny the Murat was. Even halfway back on the floor, I could see every motion of Tori...When she did finally come out (at 9:05) she began with an incredible rendition of "Precious Things." I've read about the "Girrrrrrrl" part a lot on the Dent, but seeing the actual "crotch-grab" was stunning. For the rest of the show I beamed, danced, and nearly sobbed. [that's right, people, 18-year-old robert nearly sobbed] Tori performed so many songs that are very special to me, "Northern Lad" being the most prominent (I'm sure it was this way for many Toriphiles!). Another high point of the main show was "Etienne." It's wonderful that she still sings songs from her Y Kant Tori Read days. I was ecstatic at how many early songs and b-sides Tori performed this evening. It was really a gift to hear so many of my favorite songs, backed up by a really tight, driving band. Her choice of encores couldn't have been more perfect. Beginning with Talula, followed by Raspberry Swirl (a version that sounded much like the Lip Gloss) the first encore was a get-out-of-your-seat-and-dance blast. Her second encore included a cover song that I'm guessing is called something like "When Sunny gets Blue" melded with a heart-wrenching "Famous Blue Raincoat," the Leonard Cohen song that has become one of my favorite Tori covers. Ending with "Pandora's Aquarium" gave the concert a very complete feel, as if it had come full-circle from the "Spark"-like drum intro at the beginning to the last track of Choirgirl. Overall, I'm floored by Tori's energy and communication with her audience. I knew she had it, but seeing it live has only cemented my devotion to this woman. It kills me to know that this is the end of the tour, but I understand that, after 9 months of touring Tori needs a break! It can't be easy to bear that much of your soul night after night."

once you get past the cheesiness of this writing, and the fact that i seemed to have chosen the most "EXCITING!!!!" adjectives possible, i think that there's something kind of touching about it. i can still remember sitting down at my desk in longden residence hall at depauw, fresh home from the tori concert, excitedly writing that email to mikewhy over at the dent. it seems ridiculous to me now, how intense i was in my love for tori amos. but this review is so sincere, so...what's the word i'm looking for...wide-eyed, that it reminds me that i wasn't always this cynical. close, but not quite.

it also makes me wonder, will i look back at the writings i produce now, both for gay life and on this blog, and cringe? will i think to myself, "god, you were so naive/fresh-faced/soul-baring!" or will i look at my writings at age 32 and let these documents be a marker of the person i was at the time, a permanent reminder that i was here? i hope so.