dirty laundry

ruby told me at a dinner party at cory's on friday night that she's trying not to read anything for two weeks. it's a way to clear her mind, to get all of that extra noise from the world out so that she can be more creative. i'm jaded. how does she drive? i wanted to say. doesn't she have to read street signs? i knew that wasn't what she meant. but i'm a bitch. she's also doing something called "morning pages" to get her creative juices flowing. me, all i need to get creative is to be in a place of emotional durress. then it all just comes.

it makes me wonder, though, what happens when i finally (ok, so if i ever) get balanced? it seems like i've gravitated toward the dark side of things since i was 15, and that a lot of what i create, be it singing or writing, comes from that place. it's always more fun to play the evil character, to play the character that's splayed open. rolling around on the ground. that sort of thing. catharsis.

when i'm content, though, or relatively content, it doesn't seem to come so easily. it's almost as if i'm not unhappy, or at least pensive, i have nothing to say. it's easier for me to be all blood-and-guts these days, while i'm getting used to another new set of rules.

i think that from now on my column will be named dirty laundry, because that's what it is, really. mine and everyone else's. and i think that's why it's good.