subway thoughts

having just moved, i have this conscious feeling of purposefully, determinedly planting roots here in new york. trying to settle in, make this feel like home. it's really the first time that i've moved somewhere that wasn't for school--the major moves in my life have been to indiana (depauw) and baltimore (peabster). starting at a new school is a little bit like being at a big singles bar that costs 30k a year: the mixers, the receptions, the ice cream socials, the "activity" fairs. everything is designed to bring the student body together, so it wasn't hard to find a group of friends. i met hilary, for instance, at one of the first receptions at peabody. because, i think, she said something about liking dashboard confessional and at the time i was etrenched in my love for all things chris carraba. (ok, so i still am and if he showed up at my office door right now i'd probably beg him to let me have his babies, which means that i'd have to come up with some miracle in modern science so that he could knock me up.)

amanda, too, i met at a mixer--she was in my, god what was it called? orientation group? help me out here, amanda. the point is, you're forced to get to know people, to get used to it.

since new york is a little, um, different than college, however, i'm making more of an effort to make myself realize: this is where i live now. this is where home's going to be, probably for quite a while. i feel a little bit like i've reached the end of the line. not in a bad way, i mean, but because it's been my goal for so long to live in new york (really since, i think, i was about 14 years old and decided that i was, irrevocably, queer) i'm not really sure where i'd go from here. unless, obviously, i was offered some ridiculous deal performing or teaching somewhere. until then, i'm here. riding the subway, cooking at my apartment, partying in the east village. making new york a home.