cosmo girl

here's yet another blog post about how, as i creep towards thirty (yes, bitches, CREEP), i become more and more like my mother. it's not just the marta-isms that i find escaping my lips, it's her mannerisms.

i feel like complete and utter shit today, but not because i was out at a rager party last night, high on ecstasy (we were just talking about ecstasy in my office, actually, and decided that the opposite to ecstasy would be a pill called "misery." "would anyone actually take that?" i asked. "yes, i think some poor moron out there would actually be stupid enough," laura said.). i'm exhausted today for two reasons:

1. i'm on a new drug for my crohn's disease, an immunosuppressant. now, my fancy-pants doctor tries to tell me that he would call it, if he got to choose, an "immuno-modifier," because it doesn't so much suppress your immune system as it does change how it behaves. call it what you want, dude, but i can literally barely dredge up enough energy to sit at my desk and then drag myself to the train at the end of the day. not to mention things like singing and weight training, which we all know are more important than work. oh, and there's that little thing about the new medicine making me extremely nauseous. like, ew just looking at that bagel makes me wanna ralf nauseous. let's not even talk about what the restaurant next door's stench of rotting garbage does to me. immunomodifier my white ass.
2. after dinner last night i went out for coffee and dessert (baklava, of course, since i live in greekville) and am 100% convinced that the waitress slipped me caffeinnated coffee. this is how i'm like my mother: because of one cup of coffee at 9pm i rolled around in bed until three o'clock this morning. and of course, i'm like cursing the skinny, pretty greek waitress, wishing i knew some sort of voodoo hex that would never let her sleep again. "it makes sense," i thought to myself at 2:30 this morning, "that she'd fuck up my order. she was a terrible waitress. what if i'd had some heart problem? what if i couldn't have caffeine or i'd go into toxic shock? wait, isn't toxic shock what you get when you leave a tampon in for too long? how do i know that? because i used to read cosmopolitan on the bus with my friends on the way to orchestra competitions before they knew i was gay?" this is what happens when i have a cup of coffee at night.

and so today i'm sitting at my desk, glad to be inside because (SHOCK) it's raining again in new york. do you think anyone would notice if i took a nap?