horse

phong was in town this weekend for a friend's wedding, which was an all-weekend affair: cocktail hour in midtown saturday evening; ceremony at st. ignatius loyola; cocktails rooftop at the yale club; reception until 11:30 last night. absurd. i can't even explain to you what this wedding must have cost. thousands and thousands of dollars. vera wang bridesmaid dresses. couture gown. it was extravagent but tasteful. i was at the reception last night, grand central in view from the window, and thought to myself, they've thrown themselves a dream new york wedding. i said to the girl next to me that when i get married someday it'll be cheez-its on paper plates. or a backyard luau (ten points to who gets that reference first).

among all of this nuptual splendor, i met all of phong's close friends from college. on top of trying to explain who i was (do i live in san francisco? if i live in new york, how do i know phong?), i didn't feel like also telling these people that i was a classical singer whose day job is in research at mt. sinai. it's too complicated. i find myself doing this more and more lately: i completely edit out the fact that i have a masters degree in classical singing. strangers that i meet in bars or at weddings just think that i do research at mt. sinai.

why? because as soon as i tell them that i'm a classical singer (my spiel when i first started my day job: "well, i have a masters in classical singing, but my day job is ___."), they ask, "oh, wow! so what kind of stuff do you do in new york?" and i have to tell them, "well, i've auditioned for a couple church jobs." because i haven't had a professional singing gig besides church since, um, fall of 2004. so what kind of stuff do i really do in new york? asthma research at mt. sinai.

of course, they then ask where i went to school and i tell them peabody conservatory i have to go through the whole rigamarole. but it's at least a little delayed.

i know, all of my musician friends, that you're going to tell me to get back on the horse. that i have to do dozens and dozens of auditions before even one person will say something encouraging. and, really, it's my own fault that i haven't gotten a real gig in two years. it's my own fault that i'm using a headshot that a friend took of me in college; that every day i wake up and think, "i'm going to call so-and-so for an audition!" and then i go to bed, having gone to work and gone to the gym and cooked dinner and read.

i just have to figure out which horse to get back on. :-)