tina, bring me the axe

mommy's about to go ballistic. for those of you not up with hip gay culture, for those of you who are in the south, or for those of you who don't share my sick obsession with the movies die mommie die! and mommie dearest, i sometimes call myself mommy. long story short, mommy's pissed. and when mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

the trouble started brewing this morning at lab meeting. it was suspiciously short, so i should've known that the head doc had something up his sleeve. after the meeting he wanted to meet for an additional 30 minutes to talk about recruitment for our study (yawn!). after that, i had to meet with my boss and my other coworkers to talk about how my certification is going. to clarify, before i can start my job as a full-fledged, happy and smiling research assistant, i have to go through certification on something like 12389432 procedures. or eight. so, much like lord valdemort traversing the dangers of the land of fallen hopes, as he tries to get back to the shire with the ring (or whatever), i have to go through certification.

i've been training for about three weeks now. training, that is, for a job that i'm not even being paid for yet. as far as johns hopkins is concerned, i'm nothing but a lowly secretary, and my paycheck reflects that. my boss is talking to me about starting to do my own study visits next week--stepping into my new position--but i haven't even heard from h.r. whether or not i actually have the job. something's wrong with this picture.

on top of all that mess, my boss (using, thank god, veiled language) insinuated that i'm not exactly qualified to be doing this new position, but since they've hired me to do it, they're trying to not "throw too much information at me at once." while this may be 100% true, she didn't have to say it! i might not be qualified to be doing all this science, but you know what? i do, in fact, have a fucking master's degree. it's not like they pulled some homeless person off the street and handed him a labcoat, telling him, "hey. we want you to clean up a little, you know, wash your hands, put on this coat, and then go cure some asthmatics!"