life choices, part the second

i was up until nearly 3 last night. it's now 9am and i'm sitting at my desk, having rushed in to the office for a clinic visit that i just found out has been cancelled. it's too late to go back to bed. it's just as well that i don't have to do it, because i'm still a little drunk from last night. i don't think that you could accidentally kill someone by having them blow into a pulmonary function test wrong, but it's best not to take chances.l

terry and i had another grand fight last night. the specifics of the fight aren't important; it was just another drunken word-brawl. what's important is that terry finally lost his temper. seeing terry yell is like catching a glimpse of bigfoot--you're not sure it even exists until you see it with your own eyes. i've known terry for nearly two years now, and it's probably the third time i've ever seen him really lose it. when andrew bird sings "damn you for being so easy-going," i always think that the song could've been written for terry. we're polar opposites in this way. i lose my temper if i have trouble getting a frozen pizza out of the oven.

terry was honest-to-god yelling last night; he's finally just had enough. i stood there watching it happen, for once calm or drunk enough not to get worked up, thinking, yes. you need this. scream. let it out while you can. unlike me, who vents about everything to a myriad of sources, terry keeps everything bottled up and it makes me worry.

i can't pretend like terry being that pissed off is a good thing, though. as i drunkenly got in bed, it hit me: something between us has finally died. the words that have passed between us, whether we were drunk or not, can never be taken back, and they've put us just outside the realm of reconciliation.

i need to drink less.