thanks.

since i had two negative responses to my blog yesterday (one in jest, from brian, and one totally creepy and hateful), both of which said basically the same thing, and because i have really nothing to blog about today since it's a pretty blah day here at the medical center, i thought i might address them.

the one that said the most to me was one of brian's comments, and it can really be said of all my writing: that i take a seemingly unimportant event and blow it completely out of proportion, write a whole blog entry or column about it. i suppose, though, that this is how i see life. life really is just a whole lot of little events that are all stitched together. it's not every day that somebody wins a competition or has a baby or breaks up with their boyfriend. but every day i ride the n train. every day i get coffee and then sit at my desk. when you look at it on a grand scale, my life would seem interminably boring. taken the way i write about it, though, where a look on the subway or the kindness of my duane reade pharmacist is worth writing a whole entry about, it fills up your day.

and i've always been someone like that, someone who notices (and yes, probably blows out of proportion) the small stuff. that book? that one called don't sweat the small stuff? yeah. i say, if i didn't sweat the small stuff, what would i sweat? not that i have to sweat anything, but you get what i'm saying. if you overlook the small things in life, you're likely to miss the small blessings you get, too.

ok so i don't want this to turn into some oprah fucking winfrey diatribe on why we should all remember our spirits, but bear with me.

in a life that's lately been a little hard--a new job, a new city, trying to forge new friendships, being in and out of the hospital and being in and out of stomach pain and trying new doctors and new drugs--it's easy to feel pretty isolated and beaten down. but then, the same part of me that makes me obsess over a conversation or an idea is the part of me that lets me notice certain things: how good the air can feel early in the morning; the way the people at my pharmacy know me by name; the fact that i don't have to ask for a hug from my roommate when she can tell i'm discouraged about my new medicine.

and so, yeah. i'm self-aggrandizing and overly-sensitive and probably a whole lot of other things that might not be so great. but throwing it all onto this blog, knowing that it's my friends all over the country who are reading it, helps me.

so thanks. and thanks, anonymous asshole from yesterday, for making me think about all of this.