i'm a winner

after the day i had yesterday, i needed a drink. or five. tom and i went to a game at "grand" central station called buzzer, hosted by baltimore's own tia chambers. apparently, the game used to be better when it was hosted by another drag queen, shawna alexander. my only guess is that it was better because shawna could pronounce exotic words like "savannah" and "barbados." tia has a wonderful method of handling difficult words when she's m.c.-ing: instead of stumbling through them, sounding them out, she just glances at a word, knows in her heart that she's not going to be able to pronounce it, and then makes a flying leap at pronunciation. you can always tell when she's doing it, too; she'll read a sentence and then--right before the scary word--you'll hear a tiny pause. it only takes a moment, but it humanizes her. if there's anything to remind you of the shared human experience, it's a drag queen in baltimore.

so, tom and i went to "buzzer." there are a couple reasons we go on a fairly regular basis. watching local queens try to figure out the intricacies of synonyms should be reason enough. last night, for instance, when asked "what is the first part of your body that you wash in the shower?" (this is gay family feud, after all) the answers went something like this:

"um...my cock!" -buzz-
"my crotch!" -buzz-
"my penis!" -buzz-
"down there!" -buzz-

people, i know you're doing what you can with your junior high educations, but THOSE ARE ALL THE SAME ANSWER!

ok, the next reason we go to buzzer: if tom and i go, we inevitably win something. and, whoever is with us wins. each time i've gone--three times total--i've won the free drawing they do before playing the actual game. this means that i go, win a lottery (something i've never done, ever, before this game), and go up and get my prize without even having to play a too-sexual game in front of a room of queens. each time tom has gone, on the other hand, he gets picked to play, which is perfect for him because he loves it. sadly, the prize i won last night was two tickets to a pops concert at the BSO called "Doo-Wop." i can only imagine what this entails, and none of it is good. a doo-wop pops concert? it's like don davis, owner of grand central station, called god and asked, "what are robert's two least favorite musical phenomena? 50's music and pops concerts? great!"

i'm trying to make t. sell the tickets on e-bay. he'll be a powerseller yet.