stop the insanity

"this is going to sound really corny," my sister said to me this morning. i replied, "if this is some passover thing, you're going to have to explain it." i don't care if i have jewish blood coursing through my veins, or if i've been to seder and know enough to say shabat shalom on friday. i don't know a lot about judaism. there. i've said it. "no, it's not religious," she said. "i kind of like it that we can start over each day."

how sweetly naive, i thought, sitting at my desk and listening to "dilate" by ani difranco. the truth is, i'm not sure that you get to start over each day. robin continued, "like, anything i did yesterday i can make right today." is each day a clean slate, with yesterday's mistakes wiped away? maybe it's robin's faith that makes her feel like this, and my lack of it that makes me so cynical.

see, i'm not convinced that what i did yesterday or last year can be fixed or forgotten. if everything you do or say is a stone, each one laid on top of the other, the wall might keep getting taller but the stones at the bottom still exist. you don't think about them as much because you can't see them. but they're still there, and when you humpty-dumpty your way to the bottom you get a good look.

enough with the metaphors. the bottom line is, my sister represents how i felt before i began, like so many 25 year olds i know, to feel so damned lost. she went on:

"but like i really over did it this weekend eating wise, but today's monday, so i can start over."

"this is all about food!? you've got to be kidding me!" i guess we all have our issues.