the light of jesus christ be with you and keep you

there's an old guy i sit next to in church choir, and if i were leslie, my coworker, i'd say that he's "testing my christianity." in fact, my mother would probably say that, too. apparently, when christians come across someone they find either cruel or irritating, they see it as a test of their christianity; if they love jesus enough, the light and love of jesus christ will shine through them and they will see this cruel/irritating person as the human he or she is, and treat him with dignity and respect.

i, however, am not a christian. the last time i really felt the light of christ shining through me was in 4th grade, the one time i went to church camp. amidst flickering candlelight and 12-string guitars, i found jesus. then i started sucking dick and everything just kind of went downhill. more on that in another edition.

so this guy i sit next to in church choir. he's literally tone-deaf; by which i mean, it's not just that he can't read music. i mean that someone can be sitting next to him, screaming the pitch in his ear, and he's unable to match it. it's almost as if he doesn't care to match it. i understand that it's a volunteer choir, and that he just wants to make a joyful noise unto the lord. either that, or he's just so bored with his retirement that he threw himself wholeheartedly into every aspect of gay church life. last night he actually turned to me and said, "oh, so you don't know this very well, i guess." i thought i'd misheard him. "what?" i asked. "you missed some notes; you don't usually sing baritone, do you?" at this point i'd been quietly seething for an hour and a half. i wanted to scream, "listen, i don't come to your job and tell you how to flip burgers, so don't come to mine and tell me how to sing!"

i can't imagine a christian saying something like that.