look, mom, i'm a realtor!

in an effort not to lose my deposit when i move to nyc, i've taken the initiative to actually advertize my apartment on craigslist myself--and show it myself, and hand the people the applications to live there. then i'll give them each oral sex (my version of the mint on the pillow) and dance around in circles four times while doing a rain dance, because that's obviously what it's going to take to get this six hundred ninety-five dollars back.

seriously, though, i'm thinking about getting a gold blazer and a red tie, and, as hilary suggested, tying balloons to the railing outside my apartment. because i am, obviously, now a realtor.