too much thinkin

it's another rainy day here in the city that never sleeps. no, seriously. it never sleeps. at least the greek nightclub directly below my window, platos (pronounced either play-toh's or plah-to's, a topic of much discussion around our apartment) never sleeps. what do i care, though? i took half a tylenol pm with a white wine chaser last night.

since it's a rainy day--and since i no longer really have to dress up for work (by "really dress up" i mean i wear a t-shirt and jeans and my skull-and-cross-bone sneakers to work every day) it would look ridiculous for me to carry my coach purse to work with me. like, "why is the guy in the jeans and t-shirt and skull-and-cross-bones sneakers carrying that really fancy bag? he must be a homo. let's jump him!"--i carried my trusty backpack to work with me. in baltimore, carrying a backpack was no big deal. there were so few people around (it is, after all, a shell/ghost town of a place, but i love it still) that i never had to worry about someone stealthily reaching into my bag and stealing my wallet or my cellphone or my identity. now, though, carrying a backpack on the subway makes me feel like i'm guarding a bag full of plutonium. i clutch it to my chest protectively, wary of all those gypsy children who will try to steal my things. (will they try to throw their baby at me like dr. irwin, my college choir director, insisted they would?)

when i'm not on a crowded subway, though, i carry my backpack like i'm supposed to: you know, like, on my back. and i either have it on one or both shoulders, whichever's most comfortable. as i was walking to work this morning, though, and switched my backpack from one-shoulder to both, i remembered how much i used to think about how i carried my bag in junior high.

in junior high and high school, how you carried your backpack seemed to be an indicator of who you were. it sounds totally stupid but bear with me.

in early junior high, all of the "cool" kids wore their backpack on one shoulder. that was just how you did it, unless you wanted to look like a total fool. never mind the amount of back pain and physical therapy that, ten years later, carrying 40-pound weights by one shoulder has caused. at the time, you had to carry your backpack on one shoulder. then, sometime around 9th or 10th grade (1995-ish, smack-dab in the middle of alternative rock's grip on america), the "alternative kids," amongst whom i was desperate to count myself, started wearing their backpack on both shoulders. to this day, i have a very clear picture in my mind of the generic "alternative" kid that i was emulating: baggy, ripped pants, ringer t-shirt, skater-style pumas, backpack on both shoulders.

so i started wearing my backpack like that. and then i discovered that it was actually, um, way more comfortable and didn't hurt my back. and, well, i never really stopped being an "alternative kid," though now it's more like "alternative lifestyle."

there, dear readers, is the thrilling story of my backpack. i have no life.